Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in vodkalovr's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
3:39 pm	New Job!! Well I finally got a job..heh, its a call center for lots of Christian ministries..I started training yesterday, today was the second day. And already I think i let to much of myself slip out:( now the yummy trainer thinks im crazy..hmm well maybe i am. He asked me what i did during the lunch break and i said "I breathed in the air and walked around and became one with the universe"..yeah why couldn't i answer like a normal person? But so far thats all thats going on with my life, dyed the inside of my hair black..the top layers are still my natural color though. Reno is also looking for a new job b/c she cant seem to get along with the girls at the bank :) she keeps making the chick cry..i think its funny but they take offense so heh yeah. I never thought i'd become a 9 to 5 worker :( well its actually 8 to 5...the pay is $9 so thats not to bad..ill be able to pay off my debts. Hopefully i can go visit some people in MO soon, its been forever..i miss my cousin vinny, he's kickass. and vince and roman..*sigh*. yeah. The weather is beautiful here!! it was freezing balls last couple weeks but now its nice and warm. Well out for now!... Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Monday, October 30th, 2006
5:50 pm	HELLO FROM OK! Well hello there everyone..its been a while hasn't it..Some things have changed in my life and some things have stayed the same. I moved to Oklahoma. I'm living with my sister reno..sleeping on the couch :). yeah. i'v been lost hundreds and hundreds of times already so thats kinda fun. I found a spiffy library!..it has a coffee shop type of deal inside it..really nice. so thats where i'll be spending most of my days probably. The job search isn't doing to good right now. so far haven't had any luck finding one..dont know..my brain is still telling me that i'm just "visiting" OK. heh. denial is a funny creature. But yeah..i mostly chill at the apt. and read or watch movies..the comp isn't set up yet b/c i have no money to pay for it.so thats put on hold. Got a haircut..well was actually forced into one..heh but yeah..so now i have some layers and side bangs..it actually looks kinda cool. so thats ok. Natalya is not happy with the fact that i dont wear makeup:) she spends lots of time telling me how much better i'd look if i wore some..and yeah..but meh..i'm not a makeup person..and reno is telling me i cant wear my slacker clothes outside of the house. *sigh*. but other than that...everything is still the same old..going to celebrate our 16yrs in america on the 31st..so yay!. Current Mood: blah (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 24th, 2006
7:40 am	FUCKEN A!!! *sigh*..ever feel like whatever you say is being completely ignored by someone and they dont seem to give a fuck?..Well right now my family is going through the whole moving to Oklahoma thing. The parents are having a guy come out here and look around and see how much the house can go for...and yeah I really do not want to move and I have told the mother this too. Well she didn't take that to well. she thinks i think that I dont need them anymore and dont want them..but thats really not the case..I just need a break from her psycho ways. She finds everything I do satanic..my posters ..satanic..my stuffed toys..satanic..my clothes..satanic..and she bitches about every little thing, and I just want a lil break you know. Well thats not the point..ok my sister Natalya emails me a couple weeks ago and tells me that she thinks I should really move there and stuff like that..I email her back saying how I want to stay here and go to school and that i need a lil break from all this crazyness..well she emails me back saying 'that if i need help moving there they can come help me move'..(completely ignores and disregards what I had told her)..so i email her back and was like wtf! did you not even read what i said? did you not even give a shit?..well she responds with 'yeah i read it..thought about it..and decided to move on..' so basically she read it, ignored it and went back to what she wants instead of what I want..i mean its so fucken great to have what you say be completely thrown aside and ignored as if it doesn't mean a shit. GAH!!!!!!!!..and than couple weeks ago my aunt calls me from WA giving me a guilt trip about how i'm mean to the mother and I should listen to her and why dont I call?..and that my phone phobia is just the devil trying to keep me away from family and stuff. Can someone just shoot me so i dont have to deal with all this shit?.. Current Mood: annoyed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 9th, 2006
5:29 am	WOOOOOOOw So yeah...its been a while since i wrote anything here..But today was kinda interesting:) I work at the theatre and since its the weekend that the pirates2 came out, its been soooooooo busy..we broke 31k today!..but yeah..after work, me and this 17 year old guy kurt went and ate at ihop:D..than we went to the park and got stoned:D hehe. THAN!..i took him home and we decided to go walk downtown, he lives in pinesomething apartments...so its like 4am and we'r walking around downtown:D..two cops show up and ask us what we'r' doing and run a check on us. We'r all clean though..so we continue walking..It was interesting..finally we go back. It was a very interesting night...never really done that before. hmm. It wasn't very exciting..just a nice relaxed sweet time that was spiffy!!! Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 3rd, 2006
1:53 pm	INTERESTING.... The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be? Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
1:10 pm	Latest news:( Well as some of you have heard by now..i had to have one of my overies taken out because i had a huge cyst on it. The pain started on saturday, and i thought it was just the usual cramps right..but than it lasted throughout the whole night, midol wasn't helping and everytime i'd lay down to sleep i had to go puke...well the contnued on into sunday..and i usually could handle pain..but this hurt like a bitch. So i went to the hospital finally, and they found out i had a huge cyst on my overy. So I spent monday night just chilln in pain..they would not give me any food or drink. Tuesday around 12ish they took me into surgery..that lasted for 3 hours..than back to the recovery room..and i was out of the hospital that evening.It was kinda uncomfortable:(, the nurse and also the doc did a um pelvis exam..and yeah..he was like 'heres' one finger'..hehe, The nurse was like, its ok i do this all the time..i'm like.'well its not everday i have someone poking fingers in there!'. Ha it was so retarded though..when i finally broke down on sunday and told the mother that i needed to go to the hospital..she was like ok get dressed..well i put some sport pants on so i wouldn't have to bother with zippers and buttons. Well she starts bitching at me that i should put something nicer on..i'm sorry..but i cried..i was like fucken a!..i'm in more pain than i'v ever been in and she's bitching at me about my clothes..she of course thinks i'm crying from pain. *sigh* I told her that doctors have seen way worse..she was like..'but not YOU, and i dont want them to see you'..but on we went.Its funny how she manages to still think about appearances in every situation. But yeah..i'm home now..in some pain..but the percocets are taking care of most of it so its bearable..can be in any position for to long. But yeah..so it hurts to cough or burp or sneeze or nething..but oh well. And thats about it. Just gotta take it slow for a bit and heal. Oh right before i went into surgery..i was by some nurses who were talking about how they had to deal with suicide patients..and one of the nurses was like 'i'm sorry but they need to make a class about how to kill yourself properly!..cuz i'm tired of the ones that try and dont succeed.'..hehe, i thought it was funny. Current Mood: uncomfortable (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 9th, 2006
11:09 am	New Poem! ...Well this is a new poem i wrote recently..read it and tell me what you think. Castles to The Sky. The child sat and packed the sand, Layer after layer she built her steps. Looking to the skies, searching, "I'm almost there daddy! I'm coming." Tears streaming down her face, A mother watched the broken child. Falling to her knees, her soul began to bleed, "Take care of her" she whispered. Face set with concentration. The childs steps grew higher and higher, "Mommy cries for you daddy, so i'm coming to get you and bring you back." With tear filled eyes, she never gave up. Curling up, the mother stiffened her sobs. Feeling the poisen take affect, She stared at the child. "I can't live without him...forgive me." With closed eyes, the tremers took over. The child turned to face her mother, Screams tore through her body at the sight. "I can't save you both! I cant" Screaming at the skies, she fell to her knees. "Daddy come save us, save us both." Two bodies lay broken on the sand. Tears made rivers for a castle, A castle built to reach the sky. Current Mood: blah (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 9th, 2005
11:32 am	People Suck. Humans are funny creatures. Pathetic in our ways, ruining things for the future, hurting those around us that have shown nothing but kindness. Its funny, the more I back up a bit and observe people, the more i hate them and dont want to be around them. To hear people backstabbing each other...To some I have been nothing but nice to..and they have no problem with turning around and being mean and two-faced. *sigh* Would showing your true colors from the start really have killed you?...why hide behind a mask of deception. It amazes me, the lack of kindness and friendship I see all around...yet they still call each other 'friends.' Has everyone lost the meaning of friends?...Or maybe its just me..maybe i'm trying to had to be accepted in a place i have no room to be accepted in. maybe I shouldn't bother..just go with the flow of life and if its in the cards than it'll happen, if not..than i guess it wasn't meant to be huh. More and more the idea of being a hermit holds a appeal. To be able to depend on only myself to keep myself happy and content..because others dont seem to know how to. So instead of resenting them for it, why not just say fuckit and not bother others..I say its a good idea. *sigh* yes yes. Current Mood: cynical (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 20th, 2005
12:14 pm	WRONG CITY!! ..so yeah:) yesterday was kinda interesting..Went to chatty and met that Sam dude right:) well we went to the bar and shit..damn it was fun:)..almost got a kiss from this chick..she was married though and didn't want to:(..*sigh* oh well..maybe some other time..hehe. anywayz..so i start driving home right..well i keep falling asleep at the wheel so i pull over and crash in my car..wake up and start driving..haha..almost 1hr later or so i'm like WTF! why is it taking so long to get home?..rofl..well i end up in blue springs or something:D..duur wrong city dumbass!..I shouldn't be driving:)..so i get directions and head back and FINALLY make it back to clevland..went to dennys and had some coffee and than went home and here i am!!..I TOLD YOU I'D END UP IN AFRICA IF I WENT TO CHATTY OR SOMEWHERE!!..well ok so it wasn;t africa..but it was close!!..*sigh* :D..It was a very interesting night..omg some chick flashed us!! :D..to bad she had like a swimsuit top on but she had nice looking boobies anyway...*grinz and goes off to bed* Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 5th, 2005
1:12 am	First Day On The Job! Soooo..yeah. I started working at the Premier theatre now. Today was my first day. I got to work the register today..its not to bad, kinda easy. The people are a bunch of weirdo's :D..mostly high schoolers,..and they are so fucken giggly and hyper that its amusing is some twisted way. Things were hectic and busy..but it was all good too. Hehe, this big fat dude nicknamed me twinkler for some reason:). The managers seem kickass..they'r all like insulting the workers and making fun of them...joking around though:)...so hopefully it'll be an easy environment to work with. Felt kinda weird working at the theatre though..dont know why..it kinda felt retarded in a way...Matt showed up for work when I was done..so i chilled around and watched him clean the theatres:)..My feet hurt so bad though:( I need to go buy myself some tennisshoes. Well..todays over..hopefully tomorrow will be ok too. Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
9:07 am	OUR EAGLES BECOME OUT VULTURES. OUR FREEDOM BECOMES OUR PRISON. MY SMILE BECOMES YOUR FROWN. YOUR ARMS BECOME MY BONDS. OUR NIGHTMARES BECOME REALITY. OUR TEARS BECOME THE RAIN. MY KISS BECOMES YOUR POISON. YOUR LIFE BECOMES MY DEATH. OUR LOVE BECOMES OUR HATE. OUR LAUGHTER BECOMES OUR SCREAMS. Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 13th, 2005
9:00 pm	The Daily Report:) Today was a kinda interesting day in a way..nothing to special just one of those days that things just seem to be either happening or fucking up. Started the day ok i guess..ooo found a new porn video where this chick squirted like a mofo..i was like dammmmnn!..didn't know chicks can do that..hmm now i wonder if i can do that to..can all chicks do it or only some?...interesting. Anyways..so i'm off to school right, well as i'm driving..i stop for a red light and my car dies!..and doesn't want to start..The cars behind me are all waiting and i'm sitting here like shit wtf!!..so finally after like 10 minutes it starts again. I told dad when i got home, but he didn't do anything about it. So I go to this meeting at my little sisters school. She's a candidate for the royal court at their school. And they have to raise money, whoever raises the most wins..its like there's a kid from each class doing this. So i'm helping my sis out. I talked with the mother of the boy from her class thats also doing this..and we have decided to do like a school dance or somethign to raise some money..we'll provide the drinks, snacks, whatever..I was thinking cookies for like 50cents or something..and than we also have this sweet thing..its like a shell made out of sweet dough..and you fill it on top with cream..idk, its really pretty..The mother knows how to do that. so thats an idea. I need to call the lady tomorrow so we can work out the details..I also thought maybe I can take anna around college and have her explain to the kids what she's doing and ask for some donations or something..i'm sure someone will help out..I want dad to ask m&m mars if they'll donate some candy to sell at the dance but he doesn't want to so I might have to go there myself or something..AND if anyone wants to:) please we would really appreciate a donation..it doesn't have to be a lot..just something to help her out. She's excited about it and has never done anything like this before.. Well as we'r leaving her school after the meeting..yeah, my car wont start again!:(..the battery and everything starts ..just the motor wont start up..i spent like half an hr trying to start it before it finally started... Now the mother kinda pissed me off today..ok she got me these pants right..now they go like up to my fucken neck!..not exactly my style..they are really tight at the waste so it looks icky cuz it squashes my tummy..So i tell her i dont like or want them..and she's all like fine! dotn take them, just dont expect me to get you anything again..its like what the deuce!! I never asked for them in the first place!..she does that a lot..like she will buy us shit and than later bitches about it if is to tight or she doesn't like how it looks later on..idk, she's a confusing person...yeah..so its been a weird day kinda.. Current Mood: bored Current Music: NO music! (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 11th, 2005
10:48 pm	Its Starting Again!! Creeping back into my life, You never seem to let me go. My tears and screams dont scare you, Let me be for just one night? Let a day pass without me falling to my knees. Playing with my heart, cutting into my soul, Your wicked games I sit and endure. Bloody tears run down my face, Arms scarred, I push you away. Putting a smile on my face in hopes that you'd leave, Pretending to be happy so you'd find another victim. Watching the dark clouds come, I dread facing you day by day. Knowing I cant run, Knowing I cant hide. Blanket of darkness covers me, Kicking and screaming I plead with you to let me go. Tortured souls, broken bodies, You smile at me with the look of death in your eyes. Hanging my head I know its time, Time to sink, time to cry, time to die. * yeah....its starting again for me..the cloads of depression coming at odd times..the urge to cry and scream for no reason, need to curl up in a ball..the need to dissapear..I dont know if school is the reason for it or not..but over and over I dread it(school) again..I know i need it to make something of myself..yet I cant force myself to get up in the mornings sometimes..I cling to the hope of more sleep, more alone time, no interaction. If i was able to be, I would be a hermit of sorts..living in my own lil house..noone bothering me, me not bothering anyone, no having to face anything or anyone.---Yet sometimes I want company so bad that it hurts, I dont want to talk to anyone..just to know that they are there or in reach. Noone to turn to though..Couple days ago..I kinda after school just spent the day at whore's house and vegitated in front of the tv..I came home and the next day talking with my dad, he said I should stay sick forever (i'v been sick that whole week)..b/c he said that when i was sick I stayed at home..and now that i get a little better I leave..:( Does it mean so much for them that I dont leave the house? That i dont try to interact with people, yes they want me to interact with other ukrainian/russian people..but i have never felt comfortable with them..They look and judge you all the time, I always have to watch my back when talking with them..so how can I be friends with them?..*sigh*.. Current Mood: sad Current Music: Joey McIntyre- Stay the Same (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 15th, 2005
11:22 pm	..... sit in the park where I dwell,For this boy I love so well. He took my heart away from me, Now he wants to set me free. I see a girl on his lap, He says things to her that he never said to me. I ran home to cry on my bed, Not a word to mother was said. Father came home late that night, He looked at me from left to right. He saw me hanging from a rope, He took his knife to cut me down. And on my dress a note was found: Dig my grave, Dig it deep. Dig my grave, From head to feet. And on the top put a dove. And remember this, I died for love... Current Music: silence (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 11th, 2005
1:55 am	Why? Sitting here and wondering, what have I done and what have I become. Looking back at things I want to cry, i want to scream, want to deny. My actions now have marked my bath for tomorrow..and the actions aren't always wise. I once was on the road, and now I stopped and realize how far I have strayed off that road..so far off that now i'm lost. Talking with them..i smile, yet I feel sad. Taking them to first day back to school, picking them up, listening to their day, giving advice...looked all around and saw the parents with their kids..chatting and happy..so why am I doing this? why am I the parent?..it made me want to cry, cry for them, cry for me, wanting to be a child again, yet giving the responsibilites of a parent sometimes..And where are the parent? ones at work and the other at home..They dont make it a habit to take their kids , they dont sit down and listen to even the useless chatter, ..will i be this way too?..Will my kids get deprived of those simple tiny things that to them means the world? It makes it so much harder to leave, day after day they turn to me more than they do to the parents..so how can I leave them?..Can i be that cruel?..Nat left even though Anna always ran to her..Irena was able to turn away too..so why cant I?..Why does it seem harder for me?../ mental institutions seem like heaven lately..to be able to be left alone in the world of your mind..lay in bed and only live in your mind, you can make it whatever you want to be..you control the turns, you control the faces, you control the actions. To be lost in only your inner you, like a fluffy cload. To fly..to soar..to fall so gently..to sink in water down so low..sleep with the cloads as your bed...I wasn't meant to live..not in this physical way, so why am I here?.. Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 31st, 2005
11:55 pm	Acting like a stranger Stranger than you know Eyes are looking on you Ready to tell all You're Disciplined and Punished Coz you won't conform Naked on a spotlight Punished to perform You seem to bleed They just won't feel You're made insane Forget your name Like a midnight lonely roadblock Like a stripsearch in the light Like an endless prison sentence Like a victim with no rights All eyes are turned upon you Your a star - in a show Pity the show makes you twisted You're stripped up to the bone You seem to bleed They just won't feel You're made insane Forget your name This is what you get what you get for doing it Everything is turned to black This is what you get what you get for doing it just one move and you're attacked. ---Hows it going people?..Its going ok over here, still surviving one day at a time. Still searching for a job, Been chillin at home lately, and more and more i'm reminded of why I always need to get away. We had some of my brothers friends come over on Saturday and helped work in the basement a bit..well of course my mom has to like clean the whole damn house and cook a feast..She hid the curling irons we usually have out on the sink in the bathroom...i was like 'what are you doing?'..she started saying how the mothers of the guys that are coming over probably dont curl their hairs and so she doesn't want them to know that she does..what the fuck!!..who gives a shit if they do or not..and as if the guys will care so much as to go tell their mothers about some stupid shit like that..its appearance, all about fucken appearance..and thats just not me...been waking up scared for some reason though this past week..and I dont remember having a dream, just will wake up scared...its not cool... Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 16th, 2005
5:25 am	NOTE TO SELF!!! Hehehe, note to self people!! when you are driving home drunk, do NOT flip a car full of guys off, do NOT blow them a kiss afterwards...The fuckers will follow you!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr..yeah, they did. they followed me all the way to my subdivision place..i turned real quick, drove into my driveway and killed the car and lights..saw they drive by the house..weeeeeeeee...:D mm interesting..and damnit!!!..now i cant even masturbate properly because my brother is sleeping up on the top bunk..jeez!..oh well:) there is alwas tomorrow. lol..i feel that passing out feeling coming on!! the drunk passing out were you know it will be 'out bam!, like the light!' and you wont wake up until late in the day..yet I am fighting it..tweet tweet..hmmm and now the boredom sets in..and you stare at the screen wondering what the fuck you are doing and how in the world you got home..interesting. I did that once!..in MO, coming home from vinnys house..I was stoned as fuck..all I remember is leaving his house and than waking up in my driveway in my car..do NOT remember the drive itself..hehe, thats always fun:) woke up and there was a dent in my car and i was like holy shit who did i hit!!!??..but than it turns out that it was reno's fault, in the morning she was backing up and hit my car..i dont know why the thought popped into my head...els i off i go to bed i guess. sleep deep!!.duuurr..tweet tweet. Current Mood: drunk Current Music: um..no music!! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
1:31 am	Its the way it is... Cant say I didn't see it coming..or wasn't waiting for it, or knew that this is how it would end up...It did. So why do I feel unprepared?...I cant say its hurt i feel cuz its not...just like a sadness. We humans are weird..we see something coming, watch it get closer..and yet still get hit and are surprised when it does happen. Funny how it works. hehe, the power of short attention spans or not caring:)...2 minutes later and i'm in a complete different mind state..now I dont care and its not that big of a deal. A survival skill? who knows...dad started on my handwriting again today...said I need to practice writing more and more until I can make it readable and stuff..hmm, they hadn't brought that subject up in a long time, now out of nowhere he started telling me that. I'm sure my handwriting streams from the fact that all my motor skills are affected by the fact that my cerebullum didn't develop properly...and I dont think writing over and over will change or help anything..but oh well. Dad came home from the hospital today, had his hernia operated on, and he looks in pain..was weak and stuff. It made me realize that he is getting older and soon might not be there...than where will i be?..Most dont realize, but my dad is the only reason i have been holding on..no we'r not tight or talk reallly...but i'd still be lost without him. In MO I would have moved out if it wasnt for him, it hurts dad that all of us are slowly going seperate ways...Vinny told me to talk to dad, let him know that I cant live with mom and the constant bitching, that i had to get out, just to be open about it...but I couldn't..because even if dad understood it would hurt him, and thats my biggest fear...hurting him, hurting ppl. I guess you could say that he's the reason i'v held on to life too...sometimes I almost said fuck it, but didn't once i started thinking about him....Sure it hurts that sometimes he's on mothers side and treats me like a cripple, tells me to be something he knows my heart isn't into..or whatever. But even in spite of that, he's the reason I hold on...stupid? maybe. So many things in my head right now..but there really is no need to tell it all because people dont like reading essays and none of it would make sense to them anyway....I guess my teddybear will have to listen to me this night:D Current Mood: blank Current Music: the hum of the pc (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
9:59 pm	My birthday!!:) Well yesterday was my 21st birthday!!..hehe, yay for me. I woke up and there was a lil present from mom on the table..she gave me a set of like lotion, body wash, perfume, some body powder...it smells decent. Than I went out to chatty with some people to celebrate:)...and woowee from what I can remember, it was a interesting night:). Started off at one bar..and my first legal drink for the day was a shot of sky vodka:) now i had two shots of that..and than i had a glass of..some drink i dont remember the name, it had vodka and watermellon pucker in it..something majito or something...Well than me, dana, and bert went to their car and had some more drinks:)..i had a shot of jaiger(sp)?..and a shot of apple vodka!(bert gave me a bottle of that, mmm)...so now i'm feeling good by now:) And I know I was a bit drunk and probably did or said something stupid or something...so my apologies to everyone:)...hehe, by now i had to get a pigy back ride b/c i wasn't to stable to walk. Thank you brad! *hugz and kisses*--...he gave me lots of piggy back rides that night:)...sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for doing that. Well THAN we went to another place, there was dancing yay!..and i started talking to some guy by the bar..older dude..and was like 'its my 21st birthday!'..and so he bought me a shot of something, i dont remember what it was:)...and than we made our way over to another place and sat down outside where some guy was playing singing country musik:)..hehe now that would be the last thing i would enjoy if i was sober..but i wasn't:)..so it was interesting, danced with dana and fell a lot i remember:)...was sitting by some guys and was like 'its my 21st birthday!..would one of you want to buy me a drink?' so one of them got me a beer..he bought me 2 that night:)...so needless to say..i was drunk:)..but i remember how much i drank and most of the events..so thats good:)..THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT CAME OUT! and again, sorry if i did something stupid or inconvenienced anyone in anyway...all in all, I had fun:)..woke up today on whores couch and I still felt a bit drunk and couldn't walk straight:)...so I went home and to bed..and now just waking up:) hiding out in my room until everyone goes to sleep so I can go and get some food..i don't want to face mom right now and her bitching and asking why I didn't come home yesterday and stuff. Current Mood: calm Current Music: silence...shssss (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 6th, 2005
12:35 am	This and That Yeah, idk not much to say really..yet also a lot at the same time too. Lately i have been stuck in that one sad/depressing mood..dont have ups or downs, no normal and than sudden breakdowns...just this smooth low. I dont know if thats a good thing or not. My birthday is coming up!..its on tuesday the 7th. Yeah I just have a feeling that its gonna suck, I dont know why..but as the day comes closer i get more and more ...scared?..maybe i'm just being paranoid and shit, who knows. But if you guys want to get out with me in the evening and get some drinks or something that would be nice. I'v started getting bruises on my legs again..dont know what they are from and where I got them..but they are like around the knee area and lower...hehe, i can just imagine reno and also dick being smartasses and telling me to use kneepads next time..but its weird, hmm.. I was going to go to this wedding, i didn't know the people but my mom does and they invited us all..but like when the day actually came i couldn't go, I started thinking about all the people and shit...scary. :( Still having no luck with the job hunt, so that sucks. I'm thinking maybe i'll go to OK for a month or so..cuz both olga and gringo are getting married in August and reno is planning a bachelorette party for olga next month...so hey, what not:)...hehe, i'll probably go to gringo's too if he's having one...Got my classes for next year picked out already..yet i so dont want to go..I'v like hit a point in life where..idk how to explain it..but i cant concentrate on education and life and shit. I want to take a break and fucken get myself fixed a bit and on a straigter path..but if I tried to do that I know the parents would have a fit and wouldn't understand. *sigh*...lately i'v had this strong urge to just run, run and not look back..maybe not forever, but for some time..and yet i cant because of my lack of money.and i have to be realistic, to go anywhere i'll need moneyz, cant survive without any...someday someday.. Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: DMX--ain't no sunshine (1 Comment |Comment on this)